Reflecting on my journey, hmm! I have been reflecting for quite some time now, wondering about the what and hows’ of the next step. Looking back brought me to the conclusion that there were forces beyond my understanding playing parts in what I termed living life, that’s just what it is! The experiences I have had makes me to wonder why I kept making mistakes, or were they not? Could it be the hand of the divine like in the case of Samson in Judges 14:1-6 and Joseph in response to his brothers regret in Exodus 45:8? Many choices and turns, at every step of my walk, at each milestone, though I almost always have an inner voice warning me of caution, danger and much more. I have made lots of choices that should have wiped me off but something, someone, a force, keeps writing me in. I wondered Who? Why!!! What for?
Life did not start on a roller coaster, sombre one for me. In reality, it was a cheerful, fun filled, adventure packed life with love and laughter. My view thus has been conditioned by early years experience, the lenses I see through was not dysfunctional, but in reality was not ideal. I saw everybody as fair, trustworthy, compassionate, collective – for the good of all and truthful. I behaved based on this premise which made me an open book, easily read and thus got bruised, many times over by life. Yet, I am still here, miraculously optimistic, though I feel like a different being, oh well! I am a new being in Christ Jesus. That brings me to the who, why, what and how of my been written in every single time.
The dominant force, I realize is the lover of my soul, watching, warning, and guiding me by His still small voice against taking on any and every attractive jewels offered by the opposing force within and without, to adorn myself. His offer was not attractive to me initially then, but He gently won me over to Himself, and now, I know better for He is the sure way to unexplainable joy, even in the midst of contrary conditions of life. How He has changed me by His love!
How have I been able to maintain my optimism and a loving heart in the face of all the aches, pains, disappointment, betrayal, doubt and all that have passed through my path without turning bitter? Losing faith! That would have been disastrous, for it could have taken me probably towards a slippery slope. It is only by the help of the one true God, the dominant force in my life before I was conceived, born, and knew that I am, the force of love and pure joy, that holds the universe together, ever present, always ready and most loving one, Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior.
He made me to pass through the valley of the shadow of death so I will fear no evil and be able to help and guide those others that are, and would be passing through, through such. For indeed, being there one way or another, will enable you to be more inclined to reach down to pick another up. To provide succor, respite for the hurting soul and give encouragement to reach out to the only one who can transform the situation by faith, Jesus Christ..
Oh well, my love has prepared me and is preparing me for the task at hand. He gave me free will, yet He works in me to will and to act in order for Him to fulfill His good pleasure within me for His own glory by His Holy Spirit that lives within me. I still have many needs that I table before him daily and He says, I will supply all your needs according to my riches in glory, and He sure has been faithful. I also feel inadequate many times over, and He keeps whispering, I am with you always, I will never leave nor forsake you, I will help you, open your mouth and I will fill it up with the words that will sustain the weary, follow me closely and you will never walk in darkness for I am your light. So very assuring and my confidence is increasing day by day as He leads and I follow to reach many for the higher calling, to the glory of Christ Jesus, the King Eternal, World Without End.